by Chris Chase, USA TODAY Sports

The Philadelphia 76ers unveiled a new look in Wednesday night’s home opener and it had nothing to do with jersey redesigns or roster overhauls. The team showed fans their first glimpse of Big Bella, the 10-foot high T-shirt launcher dubbed as the world’s largest.

They say the it can fire 100 tees in 60 seconds and can get those to the “upper reaches” of the Wells Fargo Center. This is a huge step up for the T-shirt launcher industry. Usually, T-shit launchers only serve to remind fans sitting in the nosebleeds of their lower social standing. It’s not enough they’re sitting near the rafters, but now the folks with seats behind the bench are getting free T-shirts too? It’s practically inhuman.

Bella is a uniter. She also weighs 600 pounds. (Those last two sentences readlike some very specific Twilight fan fiction.)

The launcher is a fitting tribute to Philadelphia Founding Father Benjamin Franklin, who once wrote, “Money has never made man happy, nor will it, there is nothing in its nature to produce happiness. Free T-shirts getting shot out of an enormous cannon, on the other hand, equals pure bliss.”

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